Timing is Everything: Doing Our Part and Then Chilling Out

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Aug 062013
 
It is always dark just before the light breaks through.

It is always dark just before the light breaks through.

Have you ever needed something to happen where there is an impending deadline after which the consequences seem pretty dire? Have you ever had a situation where things worked out at the last minute or the 11th hour? It may be some finances coming in, a job opening that you are waiting on, a document being processed, and a house or other item selling. Most of us get stressed out when we want or need something big or small to happen according to our timeline. We feel out of control and that our fate is in the hands of others. When things don’t go according to our plans we worry, fret, throw our hands in the air, and maybe even throw a temper tantrum or hissy fit! We become either fatalistic, or some of us take things into our own hands and try to make the desired result come to fruition, usually leading to more frustration and weariness when there is a delay or roadblock.

Timing is really all about doing our part and then letting go, trusting that there is a perfect and right time for everything.

It is coming to the realization that we have a Creator who is involved in the affairs of this world, both big andTrust 1 small, and cares about every concern we have. As Matthew 6 says, we have a Father who cares for the sparrows and makes sure they get fed. He even makes sure the lilies are clothed beautifully. If He cares that much for birds and flowers, how much more does He care for our needs? God calls us to do our part and then relax and trust that He will work things out at the right time!

It is also the revelation that as much as we think we are in control of things, we are not. The sooner we learn this lesson the less negative emotional energy we will expend, which in the end does little but increase our stress levels and raise our blood pressure!

waiting

Waiting is the hardest thing to do!

There are two contrasting Greek words for time. The one word is chronos: a space of time with an uncertain start or ending, a season which lasts for awhile often implying delay. (Matt. 25:19; Acts 8:11, 14:3,18; Heb. 4:7; Rev. 10:6) This word has to do with the normal routine, pattern or course of time. It has to do with being faithful in living the mundane, and doing our part as we wait for those things we hope for. It seems very slow and like a long time. It is often the ‘not yet’ times of our lives.

Ripening 1

Suddenly, the fruit is ripe for the picking!

The other word for time is kairos: the metaphor for this word comes from fruit that is ripe for the picking. This is the fullness of time when things happen suddenly or at an accelerated rate (2 Cor. 6:2; Ephesians 1:10). After what seems like a long period of waiting and being faithful, things happen at a quicker pace than normal and often with little of our efforts. Things come together suddenly and loose ends are wrapped up. It seems like there is a convergence of people, events, and circumstances, so that all the pieces of the puzzle that were disconnected fit into place. This is a time of opportunity and action. It is the already or now season of our lives.

Here is a recent story from our lives about perfect timing. A few months ago, we engaged in the process of selling our 2010 Honda Civic. The reason for selling the Civic was that our oldest son Jon was in the process of getting his driver’s training, and to insure him for both collision and liability on the Civic would have been an astronomical cost beyond what he or we could afford. We wanted to pay off the remaining loan on the car and have a little money to help Jon buy an older reliable car that he would only need to put liability insurance on. So we did our part and listed the car on Kijiji, Auto Trader, and Face Book, as well as letting friends know by word of mouth. We had a few people inquire about the car, but the deal breaker would be that the car had no A/C. One gal, who had just recently graduated from university, really liked the car, but in the end it was too expensive for her to buy and insure. We lowered the price to $11,500, and waited with this nagging concern about the impending costs of insurance for Jon, and the ongoing car payments.

out of control 2Meanwhile, Esther, my wife, who is very practical and often wonders whether she hears God or not (at least in the more exotic ways), kept seeing the number 11:11 on digital clocks in our house or car.  The number 11 is often a type or symbol of things coming together or happening in the last hour, as well as the number for incompleteness or chaos. Often there is chaos before things come into order, isn’t there? Thus the saying ‘at the 11th hour’.  She had this sense that the car would sell at just the right time. Well, this turned out to be prophetic.

After 4 months of trying to sell the car (our chronos time of delay and being faithful in doing our part), and a couple weeks after Jon passed his drivers test and needed to be insured on one of our vehicles, friends of ours who knew we were selling the car and had mentioned possible interest, contacted us to let us know that one of their cars had died. They came over, had a test drive, and paid us $11,000 for the car, all within the space of a couple days. Hmm, sounds like kairos timing!  That same week, Jon was offered a car for next to nothing by a friend he works with. It is an older vehicle with a little rust, but runs well, so his insurance costs will be much lower. As Hannibal, from the old TV series A-Team, used to say, “I love it when a plan comes together.” For those of you born after 1987, you’ll have to google Hannibal to see what you’ve missed!

So I want to encourage any of you out there that are still waiting for something important to happen to hang in there. You have a Dad who cares for you and is concerned about even the smallest circumstances of your life. Lean into Him in the chaos.

Stick with it in living those things you value even when it doesn’t look like there will be any immediate dividends for your faithfulness and hard work.

Discern the season you are in and respond accordingly. As the book of wisdom, Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 11 says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heaven…He has made everything beautiful inTiming is Everything its time..” If you are in a winter season or time of grieving, then this is a time for being, resting, recuperating, and not doing. If you are in a spring season, then start stuff, plant things, and build with all your strength and smarts. If you are in a fall season, then reap the harvest of all your hard work and enjoy. In a summer season of life, we get to watch what we have planted grow with a little watering.

By learning to do our part and then learning to trust and let go, we experience what it means to live a carefree life!

 

Pulling Together or Pulling Apart: Is Shaping a Shared Vision Together Even Possible?

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Feb 012013
 

 

Seeing and working at a preferred future together.

Seeing and working at a preferred future together.

One of the ‘bold ideas’ that has peaked my curiosity, challenged me, been the source of some of my deepest sorrow, and yet continues to be one of my core passions, is my pursuit of healthy community, marriages, and team reflected in the dance of real unity with diversity. After years of some successes, and a few failed attempts, here is the seminal question I keep asking: “Is  it possible this side of heaven for a group of individuals to not only co-exist, but start and sustain a journey of living a shared mission, cause, or vision together where every person is valued, and every person takes full ownership for the vision? This haunting question has been at the heart of many of the ‘irreconcilable’ conflicts in marriages, teams, and communities that I have observed or been a part of. On the other hand, I have tasted of the joy and pleasure found when a couple, a community or a team accomplishes a vision or goal that they could never have achieved on their own.  This quest to explore how real unity with diversity works has become a life long mission for me.

Here are the two default choices I have been guilty of, or seen repeated over and over again in other groups in the pursuit of a shared vision.  The first alternative is when a few who hold the power, either by position or in a defacto manner, decide what the ‘shared vision’ should be for the marriage, team, or community, and then use various and sundry means to get compliance from the group, community or partner to make the vision a reality. This is simply a contrived form of shared vision. There is no real ownership down the line, and when push comes to shove people will not voluntarily sacrifice to see the vision become reality.

The other option is when the group decides that they are too diverse, and instead of plunging into the hard, yet rewarding work of shaping a shared vision, the group fragments to become a bunch of individuals doing their own thing. They are held together loosely by a name or relational connection that is fuzzy in nature. There is rarely any dialogue, discussion, or decision making around a common vision. Neither of these choices is very rewarding or results in a true shared vision.

I would like to share with you a few practical principles, skills, and practices that I am slowly learning in my journey of shaping an authentic shared vision with my wife, my family, my community, and as I coach other teams in any culture. I have in no way arrived or fully mastered these skills, but whenever I see them demonstrated, I see a healthy dynamic in marriages, families, teams, and communities of whatever nature. Below are some pointers, tips, and exercises to help you on this messy, yet fulfilling journey of living a shared vision in your marriage, team at work, church community.

We can do more together than we can apart!

We can do more together than we can apart!

To Shape a Shared Vision:

  • Start with a circle of 2-5

Often we try to bring too many people to the table at the beginning of the journey in exploring a shared vision. The bigger the initial group the more diversity there is, and the harder it is to come to consensus without someone imposing their version of the shared vision on the group. The other reaction to having to many people trying to shape a shared vision is the group giving up on the experiment because it takes so much energy to agree about anything. There is a lot of talk, but very little gets accomplished. Look for some folks who have a common conviction and are convinced that they can do more together than they could do apart. Beware of ‘takers’ who want to get the benefits of a shared vision without paying the cost, and ‘whiners’ who would rather complain about everything that is wrong without doing anything to bring about change.

A healthy shared vision is shaped around being for something not just being against something!

The greatest sign and wonder is when 2 or 3 different people can not only get along, but actually accomplish something together!

Here are a couple questions to get the ball rolling: What is it that we want to create together? What does the preferred future or dream that you would like to build together look like?

 

  • Cultivate a culture that moves from Compliance to Commitment

Commitment is when everyone owns the vision as their own, and is willing to voluntarily sacrifice time, energy, and money to see the vision become a reality.  The difference between commitment and compliance is that the primary motivation is privilege not obligation. When there is a culture of commitment in the team people talk about it being our vision versus your or their vision. People will commit to a shared vision if it reflects their own personal vision. What people own they will wholeheartedly pay the price to see happen.

Shared vision is when My vision is fulfilled in Our vision!

Shared vision is when My vision is fulfilled in Our vision!

In his book The 5th Discipline, Peter Senge describes on page 203 the varying attitudes people have towards a vision.

  1. Commitment: Wants it. Will make it happen. Creates whatever “laws” (structures) are needed.
  2. Enrollment: Wants it. Will do whatever can be done within the “spirit” of the law.
  3. Genuine Compliance: Sees the benefits of the vision. Does everything expected and more. Follows the “letter of the law”.  “Good Soldier”
  4. Formal Compliance: On the whole, sees the benefits of the vision. Does what’s expected and no more. “Pretty good soldier.”
  5. Grudging Compliance: Does not see the benefits of the vision. But, also, does not want to lose their job. Does enough of what’s expected because he or she has to, but also lets it be known that he or she is not really on board.
  6. Noncompliance: Does not see the benefits of vision and will not do what’s expected. “I won’t do it; you can’t make me.”
  7. Apathy: Neither for or against vision. No interest. No energy. “Is it five o’clock yet?”

Here are a few questions to help cultivate commitment: Does our vision reflect your personal vision? Are you  serving this vision out of obligation or privilege? What would help you move from compliance to commitment? Are we all willing to give time, energy, and money to see this vision become a reality?

 

  • Give Space and Time for Conversation to Understand and Translate the Vision and Values:

The difference between aligned vision and shared vision is when we think we mean the same thing by a common word we both use interchangeably. Yet in reality we are lost in translation. If we describe in practices or by tangible experiences what we mean by the word, we would find out that though the end goal of our vision may be the same, how we would achieve the vision is quite different. For example, if we ask each other if we believe in the word ‘community’ most of us would give an emphatic “yes!”  If I then shared my expectations of community whereby I longed to live in the same house or neighborhood with some people where we ate meals together, we pooled our money, and we all committed to the mission of stopping the injustice of human trafficking, your mouth might drop open with shock. What you expect from community is simply getting together on Monday night to watch football and have a beer and wings.

Here are some essential tools for translating vision and values:

  1. Translate your abstract values into everyday practices and habits that are concrete and easily applied. For example if one of your values is ‘mentoring’. Take the time to go around the table and have each person share a life changing or positive and negative story of their experience of mentoring. Then go around the table again and have everyone share a practice of mentoring. Resist the temptation to jump in to sell your point of view, to make value judgments, or to prematurely make decisions about direction.  Simply listen to each other and try to understand one another.
  2. Make decisions that flow from a consensus around your common values and practices that you have agreed on.
  3. Keep coming back to and asking the question “Why do we exist?”.  Then check to is if everyone is still on board.
  4. Take time to surface ‘unspoken expectations’ around the vision. What is the ‘spoken culture’ versus the ‘unspoken culture’ of the team? Often we speak out values that we hope to practice, but in reality the real values are the ones that are deeply ingrained and demonstrated in our daily living. For example, if a church community says they value hospitality, yet when a new comer shows up at one of the church gatherings they are not greeted, people hover in their cliques, and the visitor leaves without a regular member speaking to them no less inviting them out for a meal.  The reality in this community is that hospitality is a ‘head value’ not a ‘foot value’ yet.
  5. Keep demonstrating by action your agreed upon values.

 

  • Nurture a Climate of Trust that Transcends the Cycles of Conflict and Change:

Trust is the glue that holds people and the shared vision together. It takes a long time to build trust, and it can quickly be lost.  Teams and marriages will go through cycles of ‘high trust to low trust’ because of normal conflict and change. Shared vision is not stagnant. People change as they discover more clearly who they are and what they are about. Where they once had a shared vision with a team or another person, they may now have aligned vision. Here are some questions to help process conflict and hopefully move from low trust back to high trust:

  1. Are you for me?
  2. Will you be honest with me?
  3. Are we going in the same direction? (clarifying shared vision)
  4. Will you do what you say? (over promising and under delivering)
  5. Do you have the resources to do what you say?

The result of working through conflict and change may result in some people needing to move on and the team morphing. The challenge is to do this without the collateral damage of destroying the relationship. In marriage, the hope is that both sides will be willing to compromise and discover and a win/win or 3rd alternative to their conflict.

 

Accepting Bounded Chaos.

Learn to Embrace Mess, Paradox, and Chaos:

The reality is that as much as we think we are in control, we’re not. Life is messy. Change is happening at a rapid pace all around us. The way forward is not always a straight line. That means our shared vision together will go through shifts and will need to morph. The way forward is to be at ease with, and to learn to surf the waves of seeming chaos to reach order on the other side.  This is what we call bounded chaos.

This does not mean giving into anarchy where everyone does their own thing, or on the other hand reverting to forms of command and control to reach a contrived shared vision through rules and fear. The skills needed for navigating the waves of chaos are complex communication, a shared commitment to one another and the vision, living with the tension of paradox while giving time for the emergent creativity to bubble to the surface. Continued risk taking, and the morphing of structures to serve the life of the vision are essentials to shaping a shared vision in this day and age.

Have fun as you dive in with a few to explore and experiment what it would look like to build something together that you could never achieve on your own!

 

By Tim Schultz